All NASCAR drivers, crew chiefs, pit members and spotters have been accounted for. I repeat – all NASCAR personnel who dared enter the crime-riddled, liberal hellhole that is downtown Chicago this past weekend HAVE been accounted for!
Relax. It’s a joke! Not really, but sort of. OK, not sort of. Not at all. I’m just glad they’re all OK. You always hold your breath every time NASCAR ventures into the Belly of the (Dem) Beast, and Chicago ain’t exactly Talladega.
But they made it, and they’re stronger for it. Phew.
Shane Van Gisbergen won again, and ruined yet another road course for everyone else. And for those of you shouting about him not belonging in the playoffs (a fair point), there are road courses on the schedule in each of the first two rounds.
So, he could – and probably will – advance to at least the Round of 8. Great!
Anyway, back to Chicago …
While SVG was embarrassing everyone else, Alex Bowman and Bubba Wallace were beating the PISS out of each other about 10 seconds back. And buddy, it ended exactly how you’d expect.
I’ve also got NASCAR not throwing a caution on the second-to-last lap, even though Cody Ware went blazing into a mess of tires at what looked to be 1 billion MPH. Nice call, guys!
We’ll check in with Natalie Decker after a big Fourth of July weekend on the lake, and end the day by allowing Danica to show off her new ass-tattoo to celebrate our freedom.
Sound good? Good!
Four tires, a splash of that Sunoco racin’ fuel, and a bullet-proof vest for Chicago … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘SVG Embarrassed Everyone Again, So Let’s Talk About Literally Anything Else’ edition – is LIVE!
Bubba Wallace vs. Alex Bowman, who ya got?
Look, I’m not trying to be nasty towards SVG today. I promise. I like the guy. But let’s also be honest – he sort of ruins road courses. Right? I mean … right?
He’s a ringer who happens to be in a full-time ride, but the ONLY time you ever hear his name is when we’re on a road course.
And he’s great. Obviously. But, that doesn’t mean it’s great for the series. And quit with the Michael Jordan comparisons. God, that annoys me.
MJ was great everywhere, all the time. SVG is great six times a year. Come on.
Anyway, all that to say … we’re going to focus elsewhere today, and we’ll start with the biggest story from Chicago … Bubba and Alex beating the absolute shit out of each other!
